Fight Off Your Demons.
From returning victorious through God's guidance,
I know I exist in the truest sense. God is utterly amazing within this reality. Truth will always be made clear when it is required. We cannot live life without having doubts. There is uncertainties we must all deal with. God is relentless in his passion for us to capably understand. That does not mean we fully understand what all of his sacrifice means. Goliaths aren't always what we assume them to be, and we most DEFINITELY cannot fight them alone.
I realized I was not fighting a Goliath, but rather Demons working themselves closer to me, preying on my insecurities. Thankfully, I have an amazing father and close friend that helped pull me through, in addition to whoever else's prayers went out. God works in wondrous ways, blessing me with a peace of mind that passes all understanding. You can fight your temptations, but only the Lord can fight your demons.
So do that. FGHT FF YR DMNS.
My faith runs deeper than any thoughts can whimsically cut through. Steps have been taken that very few would even venture out into. True Courage through God's leading.
~He is the fire inside of me that burns deeper than I could ever remove. He is an enigma, unchanging but never fully grasped.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Reality.
Well the story is coming along, however. . .
I really don't think I'll have it finished by this weekend, though I have an introduction so to speak. I'm really debating if I should just lump it up in parts and/or sections. Any ideas? I think I'll be able to get to stopping point or editable draft within two weeks for sure though. School is just starting to catch up to me, and my silly "hoops" classes are having a pile of work due this week along with next.
~"My Soul Longs For You" Misty Edwards (A good listen, it's amazing how such simple words and few lyrics can make for a powerful song with emotion and character poured into it.)
My soul longs for You
nothing else will do
I believe that You will come
like the rain
YOU COME LIKE THE RAIN
~To make up for not having the short story completed, I'll have an interesting take on faith this upcoming friday.
~~And yes Scott, eventually politics might rear it's ugly head in this venue.
I really don't think I'll have it finished by this weekend, though I have an introduction so to speak. I'm really debating if I should just lump it up in parts and/or sections. Any ideas? I think I'll be able to get to stopping point or editable draft within two weeks for sure though. School is just starting to catch up to me, and my silly "hoops" classes are having a pile of work due this week along with next.
~"My Soul Longs For You" Misty Edwards (A good listen, it's amazing how such simple words and few lyrics can make for a powerful song with emotion and character poured into it.)
My soul longs for You
nothing else will do
I believe that You will come
like the rain
YOU COME LIKE THE RAIN
~To make up for not having the short story completed, I'll have an interesting take on faith this upcoming friday.
~~And yes Scott, eventually politics might rear it's ugly head in this venue.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Unrestless
It has been decided, the poll stays up! However, my first work will be a short story piece, unedited... which means I want opinions and ideas about what can be done to improve it. Where it is slow, what is unneeded, how can it be stronger, flow better, be more dramatic, audience can associate better with the main identity.
Enough said, should be up within the week.
Until then, back to my closet away from people who I like and/or dislike.
~What have I gotten myself into?
Enough said, should be up within the week.
Until then, back to my closet away from people who I like and/or dislike.
~What have I gotten myself into?
Friday, January 25, 2008
Ignorance is bliss, but so is Understanding.
If the earlier post was slightly too morbid or depressing, I don't know how much better this one will be. Reason being, I decided to let go somewhat of something that has troubled me for many, many years and why that song in particular rings so chillingly to me. Death has always been hard for me to deal with. I shutdown, close off my feelings and space out. I feel and empathize greatly with friends and family for their loss, but I myself never let the grief release.
I think part of that is I abhorrently despise feeling insecure and with no control over my present situation. I almost never cry at funerals, even of close loved ones. The few times I start to get teary-eyed isn't so much about my emotions, but sympathizing closely with friends and family that share their memories and the weight of grief that they are going through. I have compassion and care when people are distressed.
The starting place of my separation all started in 4th grade. I could go into great detail but I'll keep it brief and to the point. Possibly adding more to it at a later time. I had a teacher that was a great teacher, then as I moved on up through 5th and to 6th grade, he moved up to teach our 6th grade class. I felt like he was a second father to me, even though my relationship with my dad was always great. In April of my 6th grade year the teacher had a heart attack in class after first recess. We found out two hours later, our teacher had passed away almost immediately upon arrival at the hospital.
I've never gotten over that, nor do I think I will ever. I become almost emotionless, when my grandfather passed away last April, I almost treated it as a blessing for him since he was struggling so much. When my other grandfather passed away 6 years ago, I was shocked that it happened but had no other thoughts otherwise. I got along great with both and truly enjoyed spending time with them both.
Why is death so hard to deal with? Why do I struggle so mightily with letting it go? Why do I continue to hold on, but not let God free me? Why do I care so passionately for people and their feelings, but I cannot have the same for myself? Why even though I know God is with us always and is always by my side, do I feel as if I am alone intermittently? I kinda think many of these reasons is why I despise fakeness. People being real, and truly caring for each other has and always will be important to me. That's why for these past few months, I'm come to a much better place. I belong. I'm accepted for who I am, and what Christ has done in me. Thankfully God never leaves us alone, we just sometimes put blinders on and ignore his presence.
~Disasters always allow us to see the real truth in humanity.
I think part of that is I abhorrently despise feeling insecure and with no control over my present situation. I almost never cry at funerals, even of close loved ones. The few times I start to get teary-eyed isn't so much about my emotions, but sympathizing closely with friends and family that share their memories and the weight of grief that they are going through. I have compassion and care when people are distressed.
The starting place of my separation all started in 4th grade. I could go into great detail but I'll keep it brief and to the point. Possibly adding more to it at a later time. I had a teacher that was a great teacher, then as I moved on up through 5th and to 6th grade, he moved up to teach our 6th grade class. I felt like he was a second father to me, even though my relationship with my dad was always great. In April of my 6th grade year the teacher had a heart attack in class after first recess. We found out two hours later, our teacher had passed away almost immediately upon arrival at the hospital.
I've never gotten over that, nor do I think I will ever. I become almost emotionless, when my grandfather passed away last April, I almost treated it as a blessing for him since he was struggling so much. When my other grandfather passed away 6 years ago, I was shocked that it happened but had no other thoughts otherwise. I got along great with both and truly enjoyed spending time with them both.
Why is death so hard to deal with? Why do I struggle so mightily with letting it go? Why do I continue to hold on, but not let God free me? Why do I care so passionately for people and their feelings, but I cannot have the same for myself? Why even though I know God is with us always and is always by my side, do I feel as if I am alone intermittently? I kinda think many of these reasons is why I despise fakeness. People being real, and truly caring for each other has and always will be important to me. That's why for these past few months, I'm come to a much better place. I belong. I'm accepted for who I am, and what Christ has done in me. Thankfully God never leaves us alone, we just sometimes put blinders on and ignore his presence.
~Disasters always allow us to see the real truth in humanity.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Love as only a Mother can prove.
One song that has stood out greatly to me in recent memory is a song entitled Limousine by Brand New. This song has a slow buildup to an unrefined conclusion. Culminating in the repetition of:
Well, I love you so much
But do me a favor baby and don't reply
Cause I can dish it out
But I can't take it
This repetition starts out drearily, but ends up rather distressful. It is repeated about 8-10x. Those lyrics stood out even more to me after hearing Jesse Lacey explain his thought process after hearing a sad, sad tale; which he then decided to immortalize in song. He quickly retold the tale and then embellished his own flair into it to write the song
The story was about a mother loving her daughter so dearly and dealing with the distress and emotion of losing a loved one, almost as if she was shell-shocked. A mother had just re-married and had her lovely daughter, age 7, be the flower girl. As the family left they wedding reception, they left in two limousines. The mother and the new father were riding in a limousine directly behind the limousine their daughter was in. As they started driving down the highway, they had nothing but joy in their lives after leaving a wonderful wedding. Unfortunately a man had decided to drink far too much for one man to handle, and at the same moment was careening down the wrong way of the highway with reckless abandon.
His car came head-on directly into the front limousine. The parents in the limousine behind them avoided the wreck and immediately pulled over and rushed to the crash site. As the mother ran back she noticed upon something lying on the ground away from the crash. It was round, small, detached, with a flower eerily glowing as the traffic drove past. The mother stopped looking at the crash and sprinted emphatically to the flower. As she came upon it, she realized what has occurred.
Lifting the flower up into arms, she sat on the side of the highway brushing the hair out of her daughter's eyes. The mother sat on the side of the highway for a very long while caressing her daughter whispering sweet nothings. Words cannot express what the mother felt, and there was no one that could draw her back to the reality that she was in.
The man who was driving the vehicle that hit the limousine was alive but injured. The limousine driver was killed, and the young girl was never going to be in a wedding for her mother. She was never going to enjoy life and experience it beyond that day. Though she would never have to deal with the loss of innocence that we must all open our eyes to.
Jesse Lacey was so struck by the story, that his retelling is even more effective and well done much like only a songwriter can do. The song retells the story from 2 people's perspectives, starting with the mother, leading onto the drunk driver with a bridge of transition, and then leading to the repetition of the chorus mentioned above.
Love is so deep. There is nothing that can express when we truly love, you just know. Losing a loved one is a distressing time, and often words cannot help. One can only be there for support for when the surviving party comes from their grief. I have a hard time with death, mainly because I become so ignorant of it and emotionless. This song has helped me relate and truly understand what it means to have loss. One is not rational, nor is one caring what others think when they are in grief. If only we all can live life, caring for one another so powerfully, that we love one another as if it's our own daughter losing her life... that is what I think is intended by Christ when he states "Love one another as I have loved you".
So take a listen, if you don't like Brand New you still should give this song a chance. If you enjoy Brand New relish the fact that the lyrics at times are emotively potent and full. That song has made me think, and I think there is great worth to something with meaning and depth.
Sorry about the downer, I'm just kinda having a downed day.
~stay sane. ()
Well, I love you so much
But do me a favor baby and don't reply
Cause I can dish it out
But I can't take it
This repetition starts out drearily, but ends up rather distressful. It is repeated about 8-10x. Those lyrics stood out even more to me after hearing Jesse Lacey explain his thought process after hearing a sad, sad tale; which he then decided to immortalize in song. He quickly retold the tale and then embellished his own flair into it to write the song
The story was about a mother loving her daughter so dearly and dealing with the distress and emotion of losing a loved one, almost as if she was shell-shocked. A mother had just re-married and had her lovely daughter, age 7, be the flower girl. As the family left they wedding reception, they left in two limousines. The mother and the new father were riding in a limousine directly behind the limousine their daughter was in. As they started driving down the highway, they had nothing but joy in their lives after leaving a wonderful wedding. Unfortunately a man had decided to drink far too much for one man to handle, and at the same moment was careening down the wrong way of the highway with reckless abandon.
His car came head-on directly into the front limousine. The parents in the limousine behind them avoided the wreck and immediately pulled over and rushed to the crash site. As the mother ran back she noticed upon something lying on the ground away from the crash. It was round, small, detached, with a flower eerily glowing as the traffic drove past. The mother stopped looking at the crash and sprinted emphatically to the flower. As she came upon it, she realized what has occurred.
Lifting the flower up into arms, she sat on the side of the highway brushing the hair out of her daughter's eyes. The mother sat on the side of the highway for a very long while caressing her daughter whispering sweet nothings. Words cannot express what the mother felt, and there was no one that could draw her back to the reality that she was in.
The man who was driving the vehicle that hit the limousine was alive but injured. The limousine driver was killed, and the young girl was never going to be in a wedding for her mother. She was never going to enjoy life and experience it beyond that day. Though she would never have to deal with the loss of innocence that we must all open our eyes to.
Jesse Lacey was so struck by the story, that his retelling is even more effective and well done much like only a songwriter can do. The song retells the story from 2 people's perspectives, starting with the mother, leading onto the drunk driver with a bridge of transition, and then leading to the repetition of the chorus mentioned above.
Love is so deep. There is nothing that can express when we truly love, you just know. Losing a loved one is a distressing time, and often words cannot help. One can only be there for support for when the surviving party comes from their grief. I have a hard time with death, mainly because I become so ignorant of it and emotionless. This song has helped me relate and truly understand what it means to have loss. One is not rational, nor is one caring what others think when they are in grief. If only we all can live life, caring for one another so powerfully, that we love one another as if it's our own daughter losing her life... that is what I think is intended by Christ when he states "Love one another as I have loved you".
So take a listen, if you don't like Brand New you still should give this song a chance. If you enjoy Brand New relish the fact that the lyrics at times are emotively potent and full. That song has made me think, and I think there is great worth to something with meaning and depth.
Sorry about the downer, I'm just kinda having a downed day.
~stay sane. ()
Sunday, January 20, 2008
An Introduction
Well, I have finally bit the bullet and succumbed to the dark side so to speak. I have now started a web log or blog for wordiness sake. We'll see what can occur from having me be apart of this so-called community. I tend to not be like everyone else. I am my own thinker. Hopefully, I will post often and consistently. The main reason why I have decided to create a blog was to allow myself an opportunity to practice my writing skills. I have not written much since college, but I have always felt I was good at it. The reason why I need to practice is to work myself through writer's blocks, expand my vocabulary, and the big reason. . .
A personalized work of "art" by me is in process. I have not decided yet what it will be. Possibly a novel, possibly a spiritual practical life book, possibly an in-depth look at the spiritual elements within the transition of Brand New (my favorite band) or even the effect Dustin's lyrics from Thrice are so spiritually potent. Only time will tell, I am open to suggestions however!
So the next step, I will try to post reviews of Movies, Albums, T.V. series, T.V. shows, Sports(?), Video Games(?), spiritual thoughts as they come, and last but not least my strong beliefs on what is truth. First step? Write. And let it all work itself out. Practice makes consistently better if not perfect.
A personalized work of "art" by me is in process. I have not decided yet what it will be. Possibly a novel, possibly a spiritual practical life book, possibly an in-depth look at the spiritual elements within the transition of Brand New (my favorite band) or even the effect Dustin's lyrics from Thrice are so spiritually potent. Only time will tell, I am open to suggestions however!
So the next step, I will try to post reviews of Movies, Albums, T.V. series, T.V. shows, Sports(?), Video Games(?), spiritual thoughts as they come, and last but not least my strong beliefs on what is truth. First step? Write. And let it all work itself out. Practice makes consistently better if not perfect.
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