Stir of Emotion

Oh the way movies have the ability to stir up emotions that transcend thought. Recently saw movies that make me wonder about where my life is what I am missing if anything. Just realized wow almost a year without updating this silly little blog. Maybe I should get around to it more often. The little things in life bring about the most joy. Like receiving a late night text that you were not expecting! Or meeting someone for the first time then gradually realizing how interesting they are and how they never are boring. Life is too short to just waste our time. I desire so much more in my life and wish to pass that on to as many people as I can.

To be loved and wanted, I think that is all we ever desire. How funny that both of those have already been provided to us. Yet, we aren't happy with that and wish for another way.

When I completely give myself to someone else I am my most happy. Why is it so difficult at times to do that for the one that has always loved and wanted us?

Civility out of Acceptance

**** Short story is now LINKED in my Friends and Interesting Ilk section. Had forgotten I hadn't released it to the masses. My apologies. Enjoy~ ****

Calm, relaxed, somewhat complete, clear, this are all adjectives that have been running around in my head for a little while. Good things, complete things. Allowing me to stop focusing on things that I should probably not been focusing on. Put things into proper perspective. Denials sometimes are the best answers. I don't know why I couldn't see that sooner. I could never be exactly who I am, because I was always trying to put my best foot forward. I restrained myself in situations expecting things to work out. In the end, I'm glad things did not.

My life is ever changing, however, who I am is not changing. I am the person I want to be and will build into the person I should be when dealing with specific people that come into my life. I hold my word and honor above anything else. If I say I'm going to do something, I do it. I do not back off, mix up, or take back unless I was in the wrong. My faith keeps me from falling too far off the path, and my Lord directs me and provides.

Studying for Math Test. Finishing up 2nd Short story. This one is starting to get difficult, because I am trying to figure out how best to relate to this character, because there is almost none of me in him. Though, I must dictate dialogue specifically from this point of view.

Into the darkness I descend, madness could be the only cheerful thing. I will return being much better for it however. Wow, I'm excited I want to wrap this story up! Will be posting a slight preview shortly up on the blog of the 2nd short story.

A Voice That Never Sings

When do I raise my voice and speak up? When will it matter? When will I know what the future holds? I hope I am able to piece together this rather soon. Within another month at the latest I would imagine. I have issues, sometimes I can hardly sleep at night, thinking about what can and could happen. Excitement, Resentment, Depression, Apathetic, these are a few of the emotions toying around in my head on any given day. However, my days are always good! Christ continues to dwell within me, everything will work out. I do not worry, I just am anxious. Maybe I should get this over and done with sooner rather than later. Yeah, thought so.

Additional tidbits: Short story 2 has been started and has a tentative finish date in place. Short story 3 and 4 are coming right around the corner, with a compilation reworking it all together. I'm thrilled and exhilarated at providing a piece of fiction that numerous people will be able to read and interpret for themselves. Whatever people get out of it, I will be happy. I have not pure intentions on what characters mean. Just some slight resemblances that I'm culled from here and there. Real life and the Fake Life. My passion burns on.

Timing is Everything

Timing comes and goes.
Does my will control the time?
People make the time.

As I strive to find the perfect time
I peer into the surreal sublime
Looking for a choice of right and wrong
Trying to remain headstrong.

I only wish decisions I make could be easier to decide. I'd prefer that in fact. People are complex, I'm drawn to that. I wish though we weren't as complex, for some people seem to make no sense. Maybe it will come together over time. I sure hope in the near future it all comes clear.

Trust that everything will come together for the greater good. Anxious to find this trust.

Creepiness with a bit of Self-Reflection.

Laugh out Loud.
Go ahead try it.
It's not so funny anymore is it.
No not funny at all.
Why is it not funny Tom?
Well Jerry, they aren't fighting back anymore.
The game is up.
That's a shame.
A bet isn't a bet if nothing is at stake.

That's a rough rendition of dialogue between two completely screwed up individuals. Unfortunately, it's rather sad that people do what they do with little to no remorse.

Funny Games.

It will make you think. Sad, that our society is one of ignoring their own responsibility and looking only for entertainment in all that we do. Enjoy, spending time with the people you care about. You don't need to be "doing anything".

Lying with Honesty

I've been starting to become bothered by people not being clear with me. It is rather frustrating at times to pour into people, not expecting anything in return. Though they do return with semi half-truth trash. Why can't honesty be the best policy? If you feel a certain way be honest and truthful. Don't lie and say you care when you truly don't. Don't lie about a background that doesn't exist. Everyone's life is at times considered boring. Accept the boringness and ascribe to making the simple moments count for everything.

You say that you want respect,
Well then you better get some for yourself.
Cause all that I see right now,
Is someone who is lost and insecure.
Lady in Blue Dress - Senses Fail

Desiring honesty at all cost and consequence,
Nate

Surface Tension

So many things have been going through my head lately. Ever since I've started substitute teaching, I have enjoyed every minute. Even the minutes that involve dealing with students that do not want to be dealt with. I still find the joy in that. Maybe it's because I'm "only a substitute" and not the full-time teacher.

Well I will get my chance, I'll be long-term subbing for the rest of the semester in less than two weeks. It's going to be interesting that's for sure. Though I will truly finally get to handle the class how I would handle them.

On the downside I've felt like I'm a pond. A pond just waiting for a rock to be tossed into. A pond that would start rippling, destroying the tension that was there. The tension that was holding everything together. The glue holding a book together. I sure hope I don't become unglued.

I always thought I was good at reading people. Unfortunately, I have NO clue where I stand. It's kind of exhilarating in a way, but also horrifying. I sit back and wonder about my life and where I've been. I've been truly blessed for the GREAT friendships that I still retain. In fact, I wouldn't trade them for the world. I also have been blessed to have such great blossoming friendships with people I have generally only known for just over half a year. Yes, you Sandals folks. I'm talking about you.

MikeyB, JD, KP, Bobby. I don't know where I'd be right now without the good times and support each of you have shown me.

Sandals friends. I always realized how great a church community could be, but being quickly and readily accepted into this community was icing on the cake. I could not have asked for anything more.

Where do I go from here? Not sure. I do know God is having his way in my life, so it will all work out for the greater good. I do know things will become much clearer over the next 7 months. Everything will be coming to a head.

Who do you carry that torch for, my young man? Or do you believe in anything? Or do you carry it around just to burn things down? -Jesse Lacey